I have several things to say this morning:
- There was an ant in my fucking coffee this morning. This has gone too far. Too far, I say! I have had it with these ants and their being everywhere! I'm pretty sure the bit of burned stuff on the back right burner of the stove that smells so nasty is also burned up ant!!! And there are like five in the sink every time you turn it on and then they scurry all around in a stupid manner when you turn on the water, but then you feel real bad if you just go ahead and drown them. These ants will not be stopped by ant traps. It just makes them dizzy. Oh, I am weary of being invaded by ants.
- Remember when screensavers were so desperately cool that you would sit and watch them for a long time? Like Timeless. It was so big that it woudl freeze our old desktop about every two hours, but I didn't even care. I would happily restart every time I came back to the computer if it meant I got to keep watching Timeless. Like when the skulls would rush past you as if you were travelling through a Wormhole of the Dead? That was rad.
- On a related note, remember when Windows 3.1 came out and OMG DESKTOP WALLPAPER!!!11! I drew about fifty wallpapers on Paintbrush using the "tile" function, and I was so proud of them. I remember specifically one with a lot of gold squigglies, one with a sort of purple eggplant shape and a green triangle, one with a duck, and one with a boy with a large nose (this wallpaper was named "Albert"). I believe this to have been 1992, so I have the excuse of having been twelve.
- I have backed myself into a corner. Again. Am I going to continue to do this every time I have something to write for the rest of my life? It is as if the writing is a dangerous animal and I retreat and retreat from it, only we're both closed in the same room (this room being, in various stages of literalness, the study at my house, my computer, or my mind). Perhaps this is owing to the way in which I never let go over the exaggerated sense of personal responsiblity you have when you're in the early stages of development. I feel that my writing really is a dangerous animal. It has the power to destroy at every moment. Thus I am terrified of it. Hmph. Well that's not comforting at all. Not only does it fail to alleiviate my anxiety, it also makes me feel bad about being a narcissist. Good job, self.
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