Seacoast of Bohemia

---------------------------------------- 7:57 p.m. 21 March 2002

Day 1 of New Orleans Trip: Sunday

6 a.m.: Jamie and Jessica leave Charlottesville. Or, not exactly. More like "Jamie calls Jessica but gets her roommate who growls vigorously at Jamie before telling her that Jessica has left already."

Ginny gets up (in Roanoke). feels very efficient. accomplishes very little.
Later on, back at the lab . . .

6:45 a.m.: Jamie and Jessica really leave Charlottesville. They drive.

8:00 a.m.: Jamie and Jessica arrive in Roanoke, where Ginny has purchased Krispy Kreme doughnuts, and all are on road. Jamie eats a doughnut and says "I never want to look at a doughnut ever again. Others think that this is perhaps overkill considering that doughnuts involved are Krispy Kreme.

Virginia:

• Somewhere at rest stop, Jamie, Jessica, and Ginny all purchase, from machine in bathroom, condoms very cleverly marked "Rugged and Ready." Ginny is encouraged to put either "Rugged and Ready" or "Hungry like the Woof" on her velcro shirt. Declines due to having only dull lefty scissors. And obvious inferiority to the title "Rugged and Ready."
  
  
• All pass and are amazed by giant deer near Mt. Rogers, Virginia, as per the little picture on the map placemats at the College Inn restaurant in Charlottesville. No, really. We drove right under it. It's this huge deer and it's named Bob and it teaches college. Philosophy.
  
  
• Map is a HUGE LIAR about need to take I-77 South somewhere near Bristol. There is no exit 40 on I77 South somewhere near Bristol! Jamie figures this out. It is decided that map is not a fine and natural sight. (As per Xena version of "Dancin' in the Moonlight.")

Tennessee:

• Is the devil state. This is obvious to anyone with eyes. And a car. Obvious signs of devil manifestations are everywhere. Include scary blue things on side of road, running cows, traffic jams, Knoxville, bad drivers, Severeville, Ginny's annoying imitation of her stepaunt's annoying imitation of a Tennesse accent.
  
  
• After having listened to Pure 80s, we put in Jamie's Soft Cell CD, "Nonstop Erotic Cabaret," and boy IS it. Jessica discovers best song EVER: ""Sex Dwarf." Here is a quote from a site about Soft Cell about how the video for "Sex Dwarf" was banned: "the chainsaws, dwarves, nudity and raw meat had somehow offended the local constabulary." Chainsaws, dwarves, nudity, and raw meat. That about says it all. We can make a little outfit / for my little sex dwarf . . . / Isn't it nice / Sugar and spice / Luring disco dollies to a life of vice. We shout "life of vice," "disco dolly," and "sex dwarf" repeatedly. This combats Devilishness.

Georgia:

• Jessica yells "Hey, Durangoface!" at rude car. This is the best insult that could possibly be imagined.
  
  
• We wonder about uncremated bodies right under our car!. Not really. I just wanted to put that. We were only in Georgia for about half an hour. Not very much exciting happened.
  
  Alabama:
  
  
• Beef jerky is purchased. By both Ginny and Jessica. This occasion of celebration. Jessica is a beef jerky snob and insists on getting the flat beef jerky. Ginny is not so picky.
  
  
• Jamie gets mints that "promote salivary action," because, as she notes, "A constant apocalypse is taking place on the surface of your teeth!"
  
  
• We want to get Carrie a Real Crossbow for Kids, but it looks too much like the shooting-deer kind and not the elf-kind, so we get her a cool mood ring instead.
  Mississippi:
  
  
• We eat at the waffle house in Meridian. It is confusing to get out of Meridian, but we make it.
  
  
• We are all really really tired, but especially Jamie, who for some reason drives for nearly the entire state.
  
  
• Dark Mississippi is scary. Jamie mistakes asphalt for blood. Ginny is not scared, but she is not driving.

Louisiana:

• Someone -- not Ginny -- mistakes a gas station for the superdome.
  
  
• After finding the real superdome, we make it to Carrie's neighborhood by being very calm. Very.
  
  
• 1:30 a.m.: We arrive! We arrive! Spookily, just as we pull up, Carrie calls us to see when we will be getting there. Carrie shows us her very detailed plans that she has drawn up into a chart of what we can do while she is at work and other times. Sphinx grooms Jessica's hair. Gambit is very nice and lets us pet him. We give Carrie her cool mood ring. It indicates that she is billious. Or an alien. We go to sleep.

Labels: friends, trips